Happiness is cruelty free

In my quest for happiness (remember that thing I’m doing?) I’ve reviewed a few things in my life.  Things from my past, things I’ve changed.

When I was 18 for about a year and a half I lived a vegan lifestyle.  That’s eating animal free products and all, no meat, no eggs, no cheese, no milk, and no nothing with animal association.
Being a university student my diet largely contained instant noodles, veggies, tofu dogs, and portabella black bean burgers.  Not the most exciting diet and my mom did a lot to entice me back to the ways of the ‘meat-a-tarians’.  Cooking bacon as often as she could, I swear she’d rub bacon grease on my pillow (I still lived at home as I was a full time student).

I started to get sick quite often; I probably should have been taking vitamins or spoken to a nutritionist on the best way to go about being vegan.  Life was a carb fest.

I had started the vegan lifestyle more in part because my friends were doing it, then I was truly dedicated to the cause behind it.  

Yup I was a poser.  Yup I was a follower.  Yup my self worth was determined by a group of my peers.  It’s called low self esteem… and these “friends” were the folks that took great advantage of Vanessa “the punching bag/welcome matt”.

When they decided it was no longer the cool thing to do, I was reluctant at first to give it up as I had fought so long for my family to take my lifestyle seriously.  But there was little foundation to this way of life, and soon I was once again on the omnivore bandwagon.

Now years later on this path of self discovery that I currently tread, I recognized something.

I may have started the lifestyle through a means of fitting in, but it agreed with my mentality.  

I am guilty by nature.  With boundless compassion for life in general to a ridiculous point.  I used to think what can I do? I’m but a drop of water in the ocean, but what an excuse!

By being vegan for the time I recognized the harm and suffering I was causing creatures of the world.  The torture, the infliction of horror on peaceful creatures that couldn’t think beyond the life of mindless murder we doled to them.

I took responsibility for that time that I was a part of the problem, and chose the side of a cruelty free solution.  But how I turned my back on it still causes me shame.

That was why, in reviewing my happiness journey, I came to the conclusion I was going to go back to this lifestyle.  This time fully and completely my decision, for me.

I have the healthy tools to know how to balance my life, and nutrition.  I know I’ll not be lacking for my options are endless, but do require a little more homework.

I’ve been vegetarian for some time now, and honestly it makes me smile.

How strange that this weight seems to be lifted knowing that my choice is life.  It doesn’t seem burdensome as some vegetarians I know bemoan.  It feels right, like I can breathe a little easier.  The transition from the little meat I did consume in my diet, to meat free was painless.

I know my protein options now, how to pair things, the balancing of meals.

My ultimate goal is to become vegan which I hope to be dedicated to come summer.  It’s difficult to transition away from the easy proteins of cheese, and fish.  But the feeling of relief, of happiness it brings me, I can’t say that anything has made me feel so right in a long time.

As Winnipeg is not “vegan central” I do know only of a handful of vegan restaurants (one of which I’ve been dying to try – Boon Burger), and an organic food market (Organza) that caters to a wide variety of vegan products.  Safeway sells a small, small amount of vegetarian/vegan items, but the few they do sell are fantastic.  I’ve bought my first tiny brick of Italian flavored mozzarella melting simulation “cheese” for home made pizza… I cringe as I recall the last time I ate soy cheddar with high hopes dashed upon an immediate gag reflex.

Tonight, tofu stir fry with sesame oil and fresh ginger, I can’t wait!  I’m sort of tofu crazy (I place full blame on agedashi).