the bike awaits!

I’m excited for RPM, go figure, my gym funk has ended thanks to some inspiration.(HAH!)

At least that is back on track.

Now my studying… I managed to put it off again another evening, carrying my books around the house, playing intermittently with my cats, chatting with the hubby in residence about our issues (our never… ending… issues :S not dealing with til post exam thank you).  I distracted myself with muted television, drawing on my exam countdown white board, contemplating lunch and yet not making it.

I’ve lost my mojo y’all.

I was so gung ho all of January to finish my coursework, read my textbook, finish my evil assignments, kill it on the quizzes.  I did it all and passed with a nifty A.  Now with the impending 25% of my grade final exam looming my initiative is out the window.

Do I really need a massive panic attack to motivate me into turning pages and absorbing information?  This process through osmosis of holding the books and tossing them beside my bed instead of reading them is probably not as effective (although I lived this theory in high school and University and never failed a grade yet – average in high school was 95% plus).

Admittedly I’m a crammer.  I don’t know how to effectively study without an adrenaline rush perhaps. It doesn’t make sense.  It’s not serious yet until I’m sweating as I repeatedly verbalize the answer to a mundane question that might be mentioned on the final.

Tonight is pretty well a gong show for studying.  I had planned originally a week ago with all my good intentions to be ahead of the game in terms of knowledge building and taking this Friday off was no biggy.  

This Friday is my first Astronomy club meeting (royal astronomical society of Canada, Winnipeg division I think is the formal title).  No longer shall I just gape openly at the heavens at night, but I’ll actually be able to pinpoint constellations, my awe will be compound with my knowledge and I can totally get my geek on with similar minded individuals.

In all honesty my interest is there, but this is more a bonding thing for one last go of it with me and hubby.
Again I’m putting in all the effort, but come on…  I’m trying.  I still want to try. That speaks for itself I hope. 

I still got something in me, there’s something left, so I try.  Maybe we’ll be able to reconnect over this lost passion of his, and new found interest of mine.  If not well… I learned something new.

When you’re a survivor you tend to give it your all until your last breath… in love, life… and marriage… even when the only thing left is the hope of the hope you once had.