That tingling in your belly that breath caught in your throat as you lift your head to the sky in pure exhilaration. The smile that you catch on your face that holds a secret that many know all to well.
I missed this feeling. I’m feeling a little bit of it every now and then and it’s sort of shocking and yet uplifting to know i'm not going to be broken forever. Such the damaged goods I am :P
I’m not seeing anyone right now... i dont plan to for a while.
There are a few people however that have been lifting my heart and filling my life with sunshine in an otherwise cloudy and dark existence adn one who has truly touched me that he is on my mind often, sort of a positive beacon of light. Inspiration maybe that I could reach such a level of happiness in my own life?
There are a few people however that have been lifting my heart and filling my life with sunshine in an otherwise cloudy and dark existence adn one who has truly touched me that he is on my mind often, sort of a positive beacon of light. Inspiration maybe that I could reach such a level of happiness in my own life?
Its platonic - but I really like being around him regardless. Perhaps it’s the feeling of having someone just give me something without a cost on my part. A daily pick me up with no demand.
He’s my sunshine.
It’s sort of pathetic on my part how I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m waiting for something mean to pass his lips, something to cut me in my core as all men tend to do. I’m almost afraid to enjoy the kindness, the sweetness he offers me.
If I were to meet a man any time soon that does like me beyond a friendship capacity I worry I may be far too much a broken soul. I feel paused in this way, like I can’t move forward and literally my heart is sore.
When I moved out of the house, it was a very different feeling from just leaving the same room. It was finite. The house I loved is no longer this place of happiness, but bad memories, and suffocation. I’m still paying half the mortgage until he buys me out. But I’m also paying rent at my moms, and that in itself is sort of soul crushing.
Yup. I’m 25 and moved back in with my mom. I was out at 20 and thought I was way ahead of the game. Now I’m back home in a room I haven’t called my own since I was 11.
I have been sleeping more then I’ve ever slept before. I don’t know why it’s causing me to do this but I relish it. Feeling refreshed I can deal with what comes my way; I have the energy to tackle things.
As promised I came over for a visit to the house on Sunday, visited my cats who couldn’t have been more all over me then if I was made of tuna. Ex proceeded to tell me about a woman he’s interested in pursuing and how he “got to second” with her. TMI? I just said go for it, we’ll get a divorce quicker (yes I use humor to hide pain).
It just proved me leaving was a good idea. He doesn’t care, there was no effort even in the 11th hour to keep me or prove to me anything that would make me stay.
It’s hard not to fall into that hole of “I guess I’m just not worth it”.
I think without Mr. Sunshine I might be in that hole.
People you need to realize the importance sometimes that is a smile and a hug, that it means a lot to many and to me to have a person practically a stranger to be my personal sun. Someone positive in an otherwise negative world with no strings, no complication just friendship without the entanglement of judgement and pettiness.
Don’t get me wrong I have support… but there’s support and then there’s sunshine :)
Would it be so awful if you just walked away from that house? I understand the implications it can have on yoru credit, but where you are at now is in this state of constant connection to your ex, versus moving on. Allowing him to be the adult and find a solution on his own, while you pay rent at your mom's and squirrel money away for the next part of your adventure (aka as your new life).
ReplyDeleteThe butterflies are good - and considering where you have been to where you are there is a degree of wonderous and a bit of "I don't deserve this" that comes with it. Ride it as long as it will let you. When it goes remember that is the feeling you DESERVE and strive for even more the next go round (if there is a next go 'round should it all work out).
Sunshine is good, reminds you to look up and see what is coming at you.
I can't walk away from the house I've put too much into it that it would be a huge blow of debt to give it all up. I can handle being around the ex and listening to his new and not so exciting ways of attempting to guilt me.
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