I have a pretty good intuition.  But even that can be thwarted by outside influences.  Lately amid the emotional rollercoaster yours truly has endured for the past many months, it’s been a lil off.

None the less the quest for happiness continues mildly derailed by negative ppl and their negativity… of which I do not need in my life and of which I’m very happy to ignore and continue on as per usual.  But I’m back on track.

So I continue on the work out train.  RPM for lunch with one of my favorite instructors.

I finally got a mortgage payment from the ex as all the funds have been coming out of my bank account.  It was tense but I cashed it and it felt good to see a positive balance on the bank slip.

It’s going to be a quiet weekend I’m thinking, tonight read a book and laundry, tomorrow morning gym then an afternoon of retail therapy and maybe an evening out or another quiet one in.  The next few weekends will be busy – Easter weekend with family fare, and then a weekend or so following will be my social filled weekend (Friday and Saturday oh boy…).

A lot to look forward to.

However a damper on everything, like an idiot, like the martyr I am and so wish I was not, I promised the ex another round of counseling. 

I don’t get it. 

Why?

Why go over all this again? It’s like a constant round of punishment.  I feel so drained, just like the day I left just emotionally tapped out.

Does he not understand he represents the very things about myself I loathe!  He represents the impulses that have controlled my life and the fear that kept me caged.  The low self esteem that made 6 years pass while I stayed cocooned inside me hoping one day to wake up.

That day has come.

That day has passed.

Why can’t he just let me go?  6 years of punishment wasn’t enough?

Ugh… I need combat…